I love my children,  biological son and adopted daughter.  I recognize that they are  wonderful, undeserved, gifts from God and I am thankful for both of them.

I assumed, when I got married, that I would have children.  But years went by…ten years.

Some of our friends were frantically trying to conceive, taking extreme measures, and exhibiting  desperate behavior, bordering on throwing a tantrum.  I thought they were out of control. I could see they were not happy, that they would not  even consider that they could be happy, without bearing children. They did not find enjoyment in anything happening TODAY – they were only focused on the future, a future that must include children in order to be complete.  I truly did not understand this desperation.

Meanwhile, I felt, “If we get a baby, great. If not, my life is still really good, isn’t it?”  After all, I enjoyed being married, spending time with my husband. Those friends, who were consumed with conception, thought I was  delusional, out of touch with my own feelings. Abnormal.  I couldn’t understand their attitude, just like they could not understand mine.  It made me wonder, for a while,  if there was something wrong with me. (It was several years later before I encountered a woman with the same attitude as mine – it made me so happy to realize others felt content without children! )

There wasn’t anything wrong with me  (at least not where this is concerned) – I just had the benefit of a perspective that not everyone enjoys – having an unmarried and childless, very wonderful aunt,  let me see that life’s worth was not measured by your marital status or whether or not you reproduced. Life’s fullness is not measured that way.  It’s how you receive and perceive what you have (or haven’t) been given, how you love those around you,  that makes your life “full” and complete. It comes from inside, heart and soul, not  your circumstances. Not from having children.

 

 

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