I was eager to talk to my daughter; she had been on the upswing when I saw her at family weekend.

When she called today she was tearful and upset. We are on a sharp downward turn again. It’s heartbreaking to hear her cry and wail. I want to be there to hold her hand and give her a hug, but she is far away…and the next visit isn’t for another 10 days. And if I was with her, there is no guarantee she would accept the hug…sometimes she doesn’t like to be touched. I always ask if it would be helpful before I hug her or take her hand.

Nothing is right in her world today. School. Her roommate. Her memories. Homesickness.

It is one of those days that when you look her, you can see things are not good in her head. Over the phone, I hear it in her voice.

Her mental state overpowers everything, every thought. I don’t know how else to explain it. It overpowers? overrides? overwhelms? Her unsettled mental state fills her with sadness, anger and fear…and it overflows into her actions.

On days like this, I feel very sad for her and helpless. It’s heartbreaking, just heartbreaking.

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