My daughter is approaching age 18, so there is a lot of planning going on about her future.  Some of the planning involves her team of social workers, and me. Some of it includes her directly.

When I adopted her at age 46(she was 3), I never imagined the changes that would take place in both of our lives.  I  did not expect to feel old at 60.  I did not expect to be a single parent.  Am I expressing regret over the adoption? NO. Not at all.  I’m just saying that  my plans back then did not adequately consider rogue events.

I think it is important to plan. I think that  based on what we know about my daughter’s development and her emotional state now, we will come up with a wonderful plan….a plan that will take into account  every situation that we can imagine.  It’s those  situations that are outside our view, beyond our wildest imaginings that could derail the plan. God knows her future. He knows her need. And I am confident that he will provide what she needs even if her team and I can’t foresee it.

Will I lose sleep over the plan, or over her future? No, probably not. I will make every effort to be sensible and careful.  I will consider possible outlying events, and wherever I can, make them  a part of  the plan. That doesn’t  promise planning success, but is does eliminate guilt and regret and those are the things that tend to keep people up at night.

 

2 thoughts on “Future Shock.

  1. I was 46 when my daughter, Lyra, was born. Forty-four when my son Leif was. Because of this, my husband, who is an attorney, has grown his practice to include special needs trusts and estates. I can’t tell you how often I think, “Thank God Lyra has 4 wonderful older brothers, certainly one or more will make sure she’s okay after we are gone.”

    What impresses me most is that when the going got tough, you did not abandon your daughter. Even biological parents do sometimes. I know we moms of special needs kids aren’t super heroes, we have good days and bad. If there is any one power that matters most, it’s tenacity, even when so much goes awry.

    Your perspective is so valuable, which is why I keep sharing your posts.

    Like

    1. I am fortunate that my son (7 years older than my daughter) is very kind with her. While she could not live with him (she needs a lot of/constant supervision and he has his own family responsibilities), I know he will look out for her.

      Liked by 1 person

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